Sorry Seems To Be A Silly Word: Study Shows Why Women Apologize So Much?

As a woman, I, myself admit to this random fact that even a certain number of studies have managed to prove that women do apologize more often than men do. It was only after coming across this randomness online that I realized even I do it too. I do it every day and I probably don’t even have a count of it.

I just feel sorry about everything I suppose (if it doesn’t go the way it is supposed to). In my world, I think it’s basic manners to acknowledge if something wrong is happening and feel sorry about it. I remember one particular instance where I had ordered a Tiramisu. The waiter served me a dessert that sure did look like a Tiramisu but didn’t taste like one. The Tiramisu lover that I am, I quickly called for the waiter and said, “I’m sorry, but I think you’ve given me the wrong dessert. Please get it replaced.” And I once again smiled and said, “I’m sorry. Thanks!” when he apologized for the inconvenience caused to me. I found my boyfriend amazed at me saying a “sorry” twice for no fault of mine. For many women out there, myself included, saying a sorry is inexorably linked with the concept of politeness. I think that somehow, as we grew into the adults that we have become today, “sorry” has become a basic start point for basic affirmation.

And yes, this affliction is not exclusive to just us women. One can find it even among the men (especially the British men) — however, I strongly believe that it’s more off stereotyped with a woman (1). So, let’s try and understand why women apologize more than men.

Clearing The Air First

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First of all, let me tell you that the facts that the study proves women apologize more doesn’t mean that men don’t apologize at all (2). It’s just that the study shows that men might have a higher threshold for things or acts that can be considered as “wrong” and might require an apology. The researchers who conducted the study at the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada, figured that men too apologized without any hesitation every time they knew they were at fault just like how the women do. The difference is that men just consider themselves to have committed fewer mistakes. Women blindly apologized whereas men evaluated the intensity of the situation and then decided whether to apologize or not. Here even communication has got its role to play.

Women’s Perspective About Wrong Doing

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Both men and women apologize whenever they are wrong. But, we women are recorded to have a lower threshold when it comes to involving any behavior that requires an apology. What I’m trying to say that there is a difference in how and when men and women apologize. A study of 2010 which was published in Psychological Science showed how differently women and men apologized (3). In a certain study, the university students were asked to maintain a diary for 10-12 days and were asked to document instances when they apologized or thought that an apology was required. The result showed that although both men and women apologized at the same level, it was the women who often thought that they were victims of wrong doing. They rated certain offenses to be more serious when compared to men. Also, the study showed that women apologized more because they always wanted to ensure that there was harmony in the relationship when compared to their male counterparts.

A Better Communication Is The Key To Solve The Problem Of Over-Apologizing

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I’m saying this with my personal understanding of situations where I’ve apologized and the other who had to hasn’t. Often, we need to understand that it isn’t always about “Oh, I’m thinking right and he isn’t!” It all boils down to another simple fact that you both are thinking differently, that’s it! I’ve observed how I end up saying sorry when I haven’t replied to a text message immediately or haven’t sent a mail immediately to a friend. It’s only of late that I have realized that me apologizing for it isn’t necessary. I must’ve been genuinely busy with some work which must’ve caused the delay, right?

Dear ladies, if you continue to apologize like how I used to earlier, we all might just end up destroying our self-confidence by making ourselves go through excessive guilt, and even worse feelings like self-blame which are all extremely toxic by nature. Because let’s understand this fact — that there can be umpteen times when we must’ve unintentionally hurt someone and a warranted apology for it isn’t compulsory.

Of course, ladies, it takes a lot of mental strength to admit mistakes. But don’t just assume that it is your mistake. Talk about the issue. The other person might have a different view of the problem that lies in front of you. Do you apologize often like me? Do let me know in the comments below.

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